www.swordstar.net


 ~An Ode to America~


   Why are Americans so united?  They would not resemble one another even if you painted them all one color! They speak all the languages of the world and form an astonishing mixture of civilizations and religious beliefs. Still, the American tragedy  turned three hundred million people into a hand put on the heart.


   Nobody rushed to accuse the White House, the army, and the secret services that they are only a bunch of losers.  Nobody rushed to empty their bank accounts.  Nobody rushed out onto the streets nearby to gape about.  The Americans volunteered to donate blood and to give a helping
hand.


   After the first moments of panic, they raised their flag over the smoking ruins, putting on T-shirts, caps and ties in the colors of the national flag.  They placed flags on buildings and cars as if in every place and on every car a government official or the president was passing.


   On every occasion, they started singing their traditional song:  "God Bless America!"   I watched the live broadcast and rerun after rerun for hours listening to the story of the guy who went down one hundred floors with a woman in a wheelchair without knowing who she was, or of the Californian hockey player, who gave his life fighting with the terrorists and prevented the plane from hitting a target that could have killed other hundreds or thousands of people.


   How on earth were they able to respond united as one human being?  Imperceptibly, with every word and musical note, the memory of some turned into a modern myth of tragic heroes. And with every phone call, millions and millions of dollars were put in a collection aimed at rewarding not a man or a family, but a spirit, which no money can buy.


   What on earth can unite the Americans in such a way?  Their land?  Their galloping history?  Their economic Power?  Money?  I tried for hours to find an answer, humming songs and murmuring phrases with the risk of sounding commonplace I thought things over, but I reached only one conclusion... Only freedom can work such miracles.

   Cornel Nistorescu



  My favorite part: the flatten the baby part!

 

  ATTENTION  ALL DOGS!!!

Instructions  for properly hugging a baby.  

First, spy a baby.

         

 

 

Second, be sure that the object you spied was indeed a baby by employing classic sniffing techniques. If you smell baby powder and the wonderful aroma of wet diapers, this is indeed a baby.

   

 

Next you will need to flatten the baby before actually beginning the

hugging process.

         

 

 

The "paw slide" - Simply slide paws around baby and prepare for

possible close-up  

   

 

Finally, if a camera is present, you will need to execute the difficult and patented "hug, smile"

so as to achieve the best photo quality

       

 

Dogs, if this is done properly, it will secure you a warm,  dry,climate-controlled
environment for the rest of your life. Good luck to all of you!

 
 

 

Be obedient.

 

Love your neighbor as yourself. Give to those less fortunate.

 

Be generous.

 


 

Relax Enjoy the ride!

 

Don't be afraid.

 

Take time to rest and enjoy the company of friends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Value, honor and enjoy your family, no matter how strange they seem to you.

 

 

 

Help widows and orphans.

 

Don't watch too much TV.

 

Whatever your lot .

 

 

 

Remember, you have a purpose!

 

Others too, even if they seem way different from you!

 

So ---- Have fun, and enjoy the abundant life!  You will not pass this way again!

 

 

 
















A young guy from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything
under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager
says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah. I
was a salesman back in "Omaha."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start
tomorrow." I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the
store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought
something from you today? The kid says, "One".
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a
day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says, "$101,237.65". The boss says, "$101,237.65? What the
heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. T hen I sold
him a medium fishhook. The n I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I
sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was
going fishing and he
said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we
went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Boston
Whaler.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took
him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a
BOAT and a TRUCK?"
The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and
I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.
WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?

 

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to
look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. 
He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.
"Yes, I do" she replies. 
The husband pauses.  The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"
"Yes, I remember,” says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues...
"Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"
"I remember that too" she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says…"I would have gotten out today."



A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line
of judgment.

As he stood there, he noticed that some souls were allowed to march
right through the Pearly Gates an into Heaven.  Others though, were led
over to Satan, who threw them into the burning pit.  But every so often,
instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul
off to one side into a small pile.

After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got
the best of him.  So he strolled over and asked Satan what he was doing.

"Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said, "I'm waiting in line for
judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those
people aside instead of flinging them into the Fires of Hell with the
others?"

"Ah, those.." Satan said with a groan, "They're all from the Pacific
Northwest.... they're still too wet to burn."
This is upsetting but I thought I should pass it along. Check your driver's license. Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the Internet, including your own! I just searched for mine and there it was...picture and all!! Thanks Homeland Security! Where are our rights?

I definitely removed mine. I suggest you do the same. .Go to the web site and check it out. Just enter your name, city and state
to see if yours is on file. After your license comes on the screen, click  the box marked "Please Remove". This will remove it from public viewing, but not from law enforcement.

License Link


  I am in shape.
  Round is a shape.

  Brain cells come and brain cells go,
  but fat cells live forever.

  Time may be a great healer,
  but it's also a lousy beautician.

  Never be afraid to try something new.
  Remember, amateurs built the ark.
  Professionals built the Titanic.

  Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

  Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

  Stupidity got us into this mess ...
  why can't it get us out?

  Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit
there.

  Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
  They should both be changed regularly...and for the same reason.

  I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.

  Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

  Indecision is the key to flexibility.

  It hurts to be on the cutting edge.

  If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.

  In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

  I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.

  I am a nutritional overachiever.

  My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

  I am having an out-of-money experience.

  I plan on living forever.
  So far, so good.

  I'm not afraid of heights,
  just afraid of widths.

  Practice safe eating,
  always use condiments.

  I have kleptomania,
  but when it gets bad I take something for it.

  If marriage were outlawed,
  only outlaws would have in-laws.

  I am not a perfectionist.
  My parents were, though.

  You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair
  that you once got from a roller coaster.

  An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world.
  A pessimist fears that this is true.

  People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them
  that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

  The real art of conversation
  is not only to say the right thing at the right time,
  but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

  Age doesn't always bring wisdom.
  Sometimes age comes alone.